Off to Delaware this weekend to do the memorial service for Mom. She was especially irreligious in a family not at all pious. As a consequence, whenever these events that require ceremony arise, I'm somewhat at a loss as to what to do. Fortunately, this time there's a minister in the family who has volunteered to take the lead and, having married into this family, understands our -- let's call it "informal" -- tendencies. So we'll play k.d. lang and Tony Bennett singing "What a Wonderful World" rather than having an organ drone "Amazing Grace" and I made copies of a bookmark that Mom had on the refrigerator for as long as I can remember to give the attendees instead of those creepy memorial cards. What else is in store, I don't know. Maybe my aunt will say something. Maybe I will. Maybe not. Then there will be "family barbecue on the lawn" with my cousins and their young children who enliven everything.
Then home again to continue to wonder if it makes sense to keep this big, old, creaky house that my grandfather built, to wonder what to do with all this new found freedom I'm alleged to have, and to wonder if there are still dreams to be coaxed into the light so that I can believe in the magic of them. Good thing it's a long drive.
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6 comments:
I'm sorry for your loss. I love your idea of service for your mom. She's probably soaring with the eagles with my own father who passed recently.
YES those dreams are just around the corner and in time will come, I promise.
I wish I had thought of that. My mom's favourite song was Louis Armstrong's "What a wonderful world". It sounds like you've prepared a very comfortable and comforting memorial service.
The planned memorial service for your mother sounds wonderful and like something that she would appreciate. No matter how irreligious we are, i think we need some sort of a ceremony as a rite of passage...a celebration of the person's life, and a step from which to move on.
As for the other big decisions, those can take time... I'm a sentimentalist and i'd be tempted to keep the house if my grandfather had built it. Maybe you can get tenants/roommates to help bring in money for any upgrades the house needs. And as for freedom and dreams, they're always out there, ready for you whenever you're ready to receive them.
Yes, each ceremony is a marker for some part in our lives just ended or just beginning. They are important and the one you've planned sounds just perfect.
Time ... just take your time to adjust to your new circumstances before making major decisions. You'll feel it, get antsy, when the moment to "move" comes.
Melanie - you are home again by now...hmmm. All very tricky. I think about when my time will come to lose a parent and don't know how I will cope. One simply must.
As for meaning...that is hard, too. I see life as survival, and think we can only make it as graceful as possible. With cats, and whatever else takes our fancy. For me gardens and flowers and food and drink and friendships. From which I withdraw when things are hard...So no platitudes here.
Nellie is right of course: time. What we choose do do with it as it is ticking by makes all the difference.
xxx
Picnic sometime? We can meet in the middle...Central Park?
I'm sorry for your loss, but the memorial service you have planned sounds perfect: very cathartic for you since it represents the woman your mom was. As for the house, the freedom, and magic ... whew, those are tough ones. If you have the luxury to allow for it, time will hopefully help you answer those questions.
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